This Place

This place is stifling.
The stench of death hangs opaque in the air, barely covered up by the aroma of the women's casseroles and the men's rubber boots.

This place is where women's dreams come to die.
Where they are left with burdens they can't help but love.
Where their aspirations turn to apparition with the soreness of their swollen breasts and the knitting of little blue blankets.
All the while men sit around filling their bellies and pondering how great life could be if only the rain would let up.

This place comes with a guilt you'll never shake.
Because once your cheeks have been kissed by the mouths, each one covered with lipstick or tobacco, you're guilty.
You're guilty because they can't understand why you'd ever want to leave.

You're guilty because when you look into each face - with the same cloudy eyes - you can't understand why they'd ever want to stay.

Can't I?

I can be that.
I can be smart and I can be kind.
I can be beautiful and real and honest and whole.
I can be dangerous and strange and volatile.
I can be witty and I can be loud.
I can be generous and concerned.
I can be that.
I can be present.
I can be strong.
I can be whimsical and courageous.

I can be lonely.

I can be what you need.
I can't be what you want.

I can't be that.
I can't be vain and artificial.
I can't be holy and I can't be absolute.
I can't be that.
I can't be airy and complacent.
I can't be secure and selfish.
I can't be apathetic and stagnant.
I can't be pretty and I can't be polished.

I can't be lonely.

I can't be what you want.

I can be what you need. 

Stay fabulous

Journal

Taken from my black, leather journal - the one with a handwritten note from one of my favorite people, Jake Walden. Written on June 15th, 2012 1:05 A.M.

This was written late at night and some of it is nonsensical rambling, but I'm going to try not to edit myself - Jake told me not too.

"I'm fascinated by the paths we take and the marks we make throughout our lives. The ones we follow, altering slightly to fit into ourselves, and the ones we create, scouting uncharted territory for others to follow one day.

You throw a penny into a fountain one day and, just think, that tiny piece of yourself will always be there even when you're so far away and have forgotten.

I carved my name in a tree in Central Park - THE Central Park - this year. And, just think, someone right now could be carving next to it, someone I will probably never meet but whose path will have grazed mine, if only for a second, as they read my message, 'Kay '12', all that I was able to write with the tiny fingernail clipper I dug out of the bottom of my purse.

And all this makes me sad because then you have the paths that collide, the people you meet, the people who make you laugh but all too often those paths and those people only stay for a short time until they're crossing and continuing on, no longer on the same trail as you. And that's sad because they've left a mark, some darker and more present than others, but all too soon we'll forget and let them fade.

Imagine a world where we left a trail everywhere we went, a brilliant color all our own that would mix and run with other colors as paths crossed. Just imagine all the places life has taken you and, just, what if you could leave a mark everywhere, remembering everything you've seen, everything you've touched. Everyone you met.

Whether you're in a pub you can't remember the name of in the middle -the heart - of NYC eating the best pasta you've ever had or stopping in a random Walgreens in Columbus, Ohio to pick up Jolly Ranchers, or retouching your makeup in the bathroom of a random convention center in a random city, it's like, what if you could see, really see, who's been there before and who comes after. Wouldn't it be amazing to see a world like that? So colorful, so connected.

I think if it was tangible like that maybe we'd realize just how alike we really are. That we share this life as one, that my life is so neatly tied to and connected to everyone around me at any given second.

It's just, life is a bunch of what ifs, chance encounters, close calls, and coincidences, but no one fully takes the time to appreciate that. I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore."


Stay fabulous.

Positive

I dressed up to go to work today. This is something I rarely do but I was feeling good and wanted to look the part. And I don't even mind how slow today is, it's given me time to think.

I'm a strong believer in karma and the Universe rewarding and punishing us for our actions so I'm hoping for good karma soon.

It's almost like everything is piecing itself together at the most inopportune time. Things are finally good - I have the best group of friends there is, a job that I complain about but is actually the best job a lazy teenager could ask for, I'm busy at school but its worth it and I'm proud of the work I'm doing, I've never felt so in-tune with my creativity; it's all I can think about - but in just a few months all this is going to be gone. In a few months I'm graduating high school and everything is going to change. And I'm scared.

I'm not sure what my future is going to hold. I want nothing more than to go to NYC and just do it. To dive right into the life I know I was destined to have in the city I know I was destined to be a part of. But that's scary. I'd be going alone, without a single safety net. Maybe I should just stay home for a few years and go to the local university. But Kayla what if you get stuck here? That's my biggest fear. And back and forth and back and forth.

Everyone keeps telling me to stop worrying - everything will work itself out. But as strong a believer I am in the Universe, I know you have to help yourself before it helps you. And here's where I get lost. I just don't know what to do. About anything. And I wonder if everyone is like me.

In the mean time, I'm trying to hold onto all the positive vibes that I can.

Stay Fabulous.

Bob Dylan, Homecoming not-so-Queen, & Rocky Horror

I've been up to some rather fun things lately.

My bestfriend Josh & I went to see Bob Dylan several? a few? weeks ago (I can't keep track of time these days - not room in my brain!) and it was incredible. I decided it was something I had to do before I - or Bob, cause really which is more likely? - died. He didn't sound that great, but it's Bob freaking Dylan, yanno? I witnessed a man pee in public, a man with one leg hop up and down, and a 70-something year old man ride around on a scooter (the kid kind not the old people kind, duh). What you're supposed to be gathering from this is that good music reaches all types of people.

Moving on....

I was on my school's Homecoming court and although I didn't win Queen or Princess, my two bestfriends on the court did, so I'm happy for them (wait, who said bitter?). Here's a picture of me & my wonderful escort Logan:

Last but not least, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Meet Magenta, Columbia, Frank-n-Furter, and Janet. 

STAY FABULOUS!

UPDATE- I AM NOT DEAD

Okay lovelies, I know what you're thinking...I haven't blogged in AGES. Please understand this is a very, VERY busy time for me and I have a lot on my plate.

For instance, as Editor-in-Chief of my school's newspaper, I've been dealing with a staff composed of less-than-stellar writers (not you, Josh) - who I will admit have a lot of heart - and an entirely new design program that's job seems to be making my life a living hell. On top of that, Debate season is starting and we are NO where near ready for that. And the resolution absolutely blows. If I hear/see the words moral obligation one more time I may finally snap.

Don't even get me started on college. It's too scary and I'm going to ignore it for as long as possible.

Enough complaining...

I'm going to try to get back on the blog wagon because I really need to accomplish something these days, so be looking for some posts pretty soon!

As always,
Stay fabulous.

P.S. Aforementioned Josh has started a blog of his own. Check it out here.

Slimmons

BEST. DAY. EVER.

Politics

It's President Obama's birthday today. Happy Birthday!
In other news,
Mitt Romney is in my hometown today. Eating at a local BBQ place.
In conclusion,
Life is weird.


Also:

Stay Fabulous!

It's not about a chicken sandwich...

I'm pretty sure anyone who knows me knew this was coming sooner or later. So here it is: my take on the Chick-fil-A controversy.

I'd like to start off saying that I've done lots of research on this topic, because if there's one thing that irritates me it's when someone tries to give their opinion on something they know nothing about. Here's what I've found:

It's no secret that Chick-fil-A was founded on religious principals. Dan Cathy, the company's founder, stated that they don't claim to be a Christian organization but their establishments stand on a foundation strongly rooted in the Bible. So yeah, same thing. The controversary began, however, when Cathy was asked his opinion on gay marriage. His answer, I assume, is obvious.  This, however, is NOT where the issue lies. Of course, members of the gay community and those that support weren't particularly happy about a CEO of a major corporation voicing his opposition to something they've been fighting tooth and nail for, but hey, freedom of speech, right? That's his opinion, he's entitled to it. The end.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the end. After Cathy's public announcement, it also came to light that the company had been donating millions and millions of dollars every year to anti-gay organizations. Not only that, but they've also been donating to ex-gay organizations such as Exodus International, which according to its website, "is the world's largest ministry to individuals and families impacted by homosexuality." By donating money to organizations like these, Dan Cathy is making a clear statement that he and his company are not only against gay marriage, they are against gay existence. And furthermore, it's no longer just a man stating his opinion, no longer a man simply exercising his rights of freedom of religion or speech, it's now a man going out of his way to oppress an entire people. These kinds of 'opinions' shouldn't just be let slide. They are dangerous to millions of people. Dangerous to the same-sex couple that isn't allowed a marriage license or the thousands of rights granted to a married couple because people use their personal beliefs or faith to deny them their human rights. Dangerous to the children that are forced into counseling by their parents to change something about themselves they have no control over because some people can't look past their religions and prejudices to accept, or at least tolerate, things they don't understand.

The Declaration of Independence states that all people are endowed by their Creator-hey, that means God-with certain unalienable rights and among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. One can't honestly think that by donating to anti-/ex-gay organizations you aren't going out of your way to try and take away those unalienable rights from other people. People whose 'opinions' don't coincide with your own.

When you begin to take actual action to ensure a person is discriminated or oppressed, you are no longer simply stating your opinion. You are a bigot, intolerant, and hateful. Let me give you an example. I'm not big on organized religion. In fact, I don't like it for many, many reasons. But that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, right? However, I would never want to rally against ones freedom to worship whatever god, being, statue, they wanted, however they wanted. And if I began campaigns to close churches or went out of my way to try and stop people from praying, then I'd be a bigot, intolerant, and hateful.

So you see, when I hear people complaining about activists getting angry with Chick-fil-A, screaming about freedom of speech and religion, making points of eating at the restuaraunt because of what's happened, I can't help but get upset. We aren't angry about one man's opinions on gay marriage. We aren't angry about a chicken sandwich-as some so cleverly put.

You're allowed to agree with Dan Cathy in thinking gay marriage is wrong or immoral or against your religion. You just aren't allowed to take away the rights of those who disagree. I, for one, will not allow my money to be used to oppress and I hope you won't either.

EXCITING NEWS

Greeting earthlings! I've sorta fallen off the blog-wagon lately, but I'm back! (sorta) Basically, I haven't really blogged because nothing's really happened. (Ah summertime, how bittersweet you are.)

Anyhoodle. I have super exciting news! & it comes in two parts.

1. I'M GOING TO SEE BOB DYLAN IN CONCERT ON AUGUST 25TH. I don't think I've ever been so excited to see a concert in my life. I'm even more excited than when I saw Elton John & that's saying something.

Enjoy this video of Dylan's song Like a Rolling Stone:

& 2. I'm going to be reunited with my best friend that moved away six months ago VERY soon and I CANNOT WAIT! A minor plus is that he lives in Florida so we will be taking a mini-vacation when we go to get him and I'm going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for the second time. Because once just isn't enough for any self-respecting Potterhead. (: 

Here's a useless picture of us: 

YIPPEE! 

STAY FABULOUS

P.S. I finally got around to watching the 'finale' of the first season of Sherlock. Oh. My. God. GO WATCH IT NOW.

Thoughts.

I often get asked why I care so much about the Gay Rights Movement. Here I am, a 17-year-old, straight girl  living in the Midwest. Evansville, Indiana, to be exact, a town in a permanent state of 'don't ask, don't tell.' And not just about one's sexual orientation either. We don't discuss things that are uncomfortable or could potentially rub someone the wrong way. That's just how it is.

Are there gay people? Of course. Are there homophobes and bigots? Sure. But are the two out fighting each other with picket signs and pride marches? Absolutely not. There's like one gay bar in town and even an 'Alternative Prom' put on every year by an alliance organization, but it's almost as if these things are kept hush-hush. (If the bar's Yelp page from 2006 with all of two reviews and the formal, clipped post on the city's newspaper's website announcing the date/location/cost of this year's prom is any indication.) All I'm saying is if you want to seek out Evansville's gay community you'll have to do a little digging cause no one's talking.

Lucky for me, I have a great mom. She's just as open-minded as I am, grant it, a little less eccentric, but harbors no judgement and she raised my sister and I to do the same. When I was in 2nd grade I started cheerleading and one of my coaches was a lesbian, which of course meant nothing to me. This fact was never kept hidden from me nor was it glorified. It just was. All I knew was that she was dating the nice lady who worked behind the counter at the gym and that was just the same to me. I was there to cheer. So you see, I grew up with a mom who allowed me and my sister to make our own realizations about the world. We weren't born into pre-determined ideologies or religions or mind frames. We were and still are allowed to grow and develop on our own terms. And for that I am grateful. 

Everything changed when I hit high school. During my sophomore year, my friend and I had to do a history project for this competition our school was holding. Pick a topic. It can be anything. My partner's sister was a lesbian. Let's do gay marriage. It was then while researching for this project I was struck with reality. And it wasn't pretty. Being gay was considered a mental illness up until 1973? You couldn't be gay and serve in the military? I couldn't understand how my friends, my coaches, my idols could be treated this way. I then became obsessed with discovering the truth and right there in front of me was this entire movement, this struggle for equality that I never knew existed. It was happening now and I didn't even realize it.

So you see, living in Evansville, Indiana is a permanent state of blissful ignorance. I am shocked more and more each day by how little my peers know about the state of our country, what it's like outside of this town. And not just about gay rights either, (however, I can safely assume this topic is amongst the least understood if the conversation I had with a guy who genuinely seemed confused when I told him being gay is, in fact, not a choice is any indication.) Everyday I go to a school and sit in a classroom filled with almost entirely white, middle class, Christian students, with a handful of minorities if we're lucky. I attend a school where the openly gay sophomore is looked at like some sort of enigma. I attend a school where the two girls that have been dating for seven months surely, surely, are only looking for attention. I attend a school where the gay English teacher is politely asked to remain in the closet-at least while you're teaching-wouldn't want to step on any toes. I attend a school where websites like GLAAD and HRC are blocked on computers and polite inquiries from concerned students about the reasons behind the restrictions are ignored. I attend a school where things like 'God hates faggots' is said at a lunch table as some sort of joke, but carefully quiet enough as not to be heard by the 'activist' sitting at the end of the table. No one wants to hear another rant from her.

And what's worse is that this a young generation full of, what's a good word?, disdain for others. If this is what they were taught, how they were instructed to behave, just imagine their parents. So you see, I care so much about the gay rights movement, I care so much about equality, because I want my generation to teach their children ideals of love and acceptance and not ones of hate and intolerance. I care so much about the gay rights movement because I am genuinely worried for the gay 12-year-old living in the Midwest scared so far into the closet by the beliefs that were instilled in them as a child, that being gay is in some way wrong or immoral. Or even the 15-year-old kid who feels so alone and lost because there is no one, no one, around that's like them-at least none that speak up, or are allowed too, anyway. I care so much about the gay rights movement because when I hear of yet another suicide or hate crime I take it personally-that could easily have been someone from my family, one of my friends. I care so much about the gay rights movement because the idea of living in a world where two people loving each other is considered wrong makes me a little sick. I care so much about the gay rights movement because I'm human.


I'm sitting on a bus in the middle of New York City with my mom next to me. I make some joke about moving to San Francisco to be with the gays and my mom goes, "Why are you fascinated with them anyway?" to which I was immediately embarrassed and a little offended, even though I knew she meant it in no negative light. I knew her real question: why did I care so much? It's not like I'm gay. It's not like I'm affected. At first I had no real answer. I didn't really know why, it just was. There was that tell-tale moment of self-doubt. I felt a little silly and a lot unsure. It wasn't until a few hours later when we see two men walking across the street holding hands (a sight that would never be seen back home in Evansville, I might add). One has a baby nestled in the carrier strapped to his chest, the other is holding a pizza box, dinner. We both smile at the scene and I turn to my mother and say, "That's why."


It takes a strong person to stand up in the face of adversity and fight for what one believes in even when it goes against society's norm, especially when it's the opinions and beliefs of your friends and peers you're arguing against. I'm grateful for being raised into the type of person with enough self-confidence and assurance to do just that. And because I know I can, I'm thereby obligated too. 

I'm a Feminist because....

I watched this video today & had to share. The man in the video is Nicola Foti, also known as soundlyawake on YouTube. Look him up, he's hilarious. 

Anyway, he made this video on a serious note and I think the message is wonderful. 

I try to be as open-minded and accepting as I possibly can, but there are somethings in this video even I realized I needed to work on. Truly thought-provoking and the discussion in the comment section is highly interesting. Check it out. 

Stay fabulous!

Graduation Day Tattoos

My sister graduated today! YIPPEE! It was a wonderful excuse for our family and friends to get together and eat and take lots of pictures. My sister received several sheets of temporary tattoos as a joke because she's itching to get the real thing. Let's just say, they didn't last long. Almost everyone ended up leaving all tatted up!

It was nice to have the family together and to do something goofy like this! People need to relax and enjoy the silly things in life more often, wouldn't you say? 

Stay Goofy, Stay Fabulous

THANK YOU PRESIDENT OBAMA!

OMG OMG OMG! WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!
President Obama has just become the FIRST president in the history of America to publicly support gay marriage, simply saying "I think same-sex couples should be able to get married."

Watch the video:

I CANNOT stop smiling. In the wake of North Carolina becoming the 30th state to ban same-sex marriage, this milestone could not have come at a greater time. I applaud and thank President Obama for being brave enough to take a stand on such a controversial issue, especially at such a crucial time in his campaign for re-election. 

If you would like to thank President Obama, you may do so here through HRC: Thank Obama!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help support our LGBTQ friends by supporting President Obama. 

The time for equality is Now.

STAY FABULOUS! (((:

Start spreadin' the news....

I'm leaving today.
I want to be a part of it,
New York, New York!

...okay so I'm not leaving today, but very very soon!
I CANNOT wait to be in NYC for the first time, the city that simply calls my name!

Just take a minute to stare at these wonderful pictures & listen to Frank!

New York, New York < Click me!

Stay Fabulous